Over three decades ago, I was in a gift shop looking for a birthday card—or was it an anniversary card—for my wife. I quickly gave up on the idea of selecting a serious one because they were all so nauseatingly syrupy. So I moved to the humorous section where the cards at least had some bite in them. After perusing through a number of really funny samples, my eyes caught sight of an especially provocative one. It went as follows: “Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! That’s all you ever talk about …you charming little conversationalist!”
The anonymous writer of these lines was absolutely right from his particular perspective. Sex can be a marvellous celebration of the life force that sustains the whole universe. It glorifies the human body, a splendid example of Nature’s creative power. But is it enough in itself to sustain a relationship? Frankly, I doubt it.
However enjoyable and even thrilling the experience may be at the moment that it takes place, sexual attraction is the first component of a relationship to lose its lustre unless there are other elements to reinforce it. If rubbing epidermises is fun with one person, why shouldn’t it be fun with other people, indeed, many other people? In which case, why bother staying for long in any given relationship? It might be far more gratifying to roam around like a bee through the whole huge garden of delights, culling erotic nectar from every human flower that one finds titillating.
For a relationship between two individuals to deepen and expand through time, they must feel empathy, esteem, admiration, and tenderness towards one another. Within such a context, sex can indeed be their apotheosis. If this context is absent, they might just as well take their pleasure wherever they can find it.
This was the fate in store for Rhonda, a young woman practicing free-wheeling sex whom her very prudish Aunt Vera called “Whore Rhonda,” in order to emphasize that this niece of hers was a piece of trash/ass. Rhonda ditched her husband, and took up with a butcher whose sexual activity she found much more energetic and incisive. The thrill didn’t last long, however. How could it? Since the butcher lacked any other qualities of heart and mind to keep her interested, Rhonda eventually sought out greener sexual pastures elsewhere. After all, familiarity breeds contempt, doesn’t it? So she took up with a handsome Italian lover, Angelo, with whom she enjoyed a steamy romance…that is, until she got bored with him.
Vera, on the other hand, through a heroic effort of self-examination and reconstruction, freed herself from the Puritanism that had been warping her personality since childhood. She came to love the husband whom she had branded a sexual failure, once she began admiring him for his courage. Then the miracle occurred. The minute she started to genuinely love him, he was able to perform in bed handsomely. In the end, Vera was far ahead of her so-called “sexually enlightened” niece, because she had both love and sex.
If you are interested in learning all the details about this story, I invite you to read my novel, Getting Enough. Many people have told me they found it hilarious and touching at the same time. Happy reading!
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