The Dangers of Stereotyping People

 Vera and Sidney Rose, a middle-aged couple, were mired in a disastrous marriage for 26 years. They reached the stage where they almost literally could no longer stand to be in each other’s presence. It seemed that whenever they were together they would spew psychic hatred at one another. Naturally, each one blamed the other for the acrimonious, hate-ridden relationship in which they had gotten themselves bogged down. In their monumental self-righteousness, they refused to entertain the notion that they both shared the responsibility for the mess in which they were floundering.

Without being conscious of it, Vera and Sidney had succumbed to the dangerous temptation of stereotyping one another. Not that this stereotyping was entirely unjustified: both partners had glaring flaws that deserved being severely criticized. Although she was an ardently sensual woman, Vera was trapped in a straitjacket of puritanical morality that had turned her into a neurotic virago. She refused her husband sex yet got outraged when she caught him in an affair with a younger woman.  She condemned in the most vehement terms anyone who was having sex outside of marriage, yet she secretly coveted her niece’s very mature, virile husband.

Sidney was at the opposite end of the spectrum. He loved sex and craved it. His erotic motor would get revved up simply by being near Vera or other attractive women. His problem, however, was that he never bothered learning anything about the art of making love. For him, sex was simply making a grab for what he wanted and plundering it. It never occurred to him to wonder what his partner was feeling. Since he was fulfilled physically, Sidney took it for granted that she was, too. And this is precisely what infuriated Vera. She viewed him as a pig wallowing in its trough. The morning after their honeymoon night, Sidney exclaimed delightedly: “Well, baby, we had a ball last night, didn’t we?” Vera retorted with sullen anger: “How would I know? Does a urinal react emotionally when a man pisses in it?”

From that moment on, Vera and Sidney began stereotyping one another.  For her, he was a gross, sex-obsessed creep. For him, she was a frigid, self-righteous bitch. The more each one typecasted the other, the more the other reinforced that stereotype. It took a tsunami-like crisis for the two of them to come to their senses, look beyond the stereotyping, and view one another as vulnerable human beings in desperate need of understanding and tenderness. Once Vera and Sidney reached this new awareness, they were able to move towards a loving reconciliation.

Vera and Sidney are not real people. They are the two main characters in my novel titled Getting Enough. They were inspired, however, by people I know. And many readers have assured me that Vera and Sidney seem so vivid they fairly jump off the pages of my text. Why not read the book? I think you’ll find the conclusion very heart-warming. When you have finished it, I would love to hear your comments and have a discussion with you.